Friends and Enemies
The Cambridge English dictionary defines a friend as a person who you know well and like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family. The same dictionary defines an enemy, on the other hand, as a person who hates or opposes another person and tries to harm them or stop them from doing something.
We all know that friendships provide social and emotional support. According to the Mayo Clinic, good friends are good for one’s health. Good friends prevent loneliness and depression. They also boost happiness and reduce one’s stress. A Tanzanian proverb states that “To be without a friend is to be poor indeed.”
On the other hand, we know that enemies seek and work towards our downfall. As such, we perceive enemies as dangerous. Thus, no one wants to have enemies. However, could there be instances whereby friends are more dangerous than enemies? Are there any benefits of having enemies?
What makes friends more dangerous than enemies?
Betrayal of trust
Friends have the capacity to betray our trust and to hurt us. More often than not, friends knows our secrets, vulnerabilities and insecurities. As such, friends are in a better position to hurt us than enemies. This is because of all the background information that friends have on us, which may serve as ammunition.
Diane de Poitiers, French noblewoman and mistress of Henri II of France, expressed this view. She stated, “To have a good enemy, choose a friend; he knows where to strike.” A Senegalese proverb expresses a similar view. It states, “The more intimate the friendship, the deadlier the enmity.”
Robert Greene in “The 48 Laws of Power” cautions us in Law 2 never to put too much trust in friends but to learn how to use enemies. He admonishes us to be wary of friends as they will betray us more quickly since they are prone to envy. He states that when we hire a former enemy he will be more loyal than a friend because he has more to prove. According to him, we have more to fear from friends than from enemies. Thus he states that if we have no enemies, we should find a way to make them.
With a friend we are more likely to let down our guard. As such, we are more vulnerable to attack. It is even more dangerous when we are unaware of the bitterness and envy in our friend’s heart concerning us and thereby fail to protect ourselves. Voltaire, a French writer, historian and philospher stated, “Lord, protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies.”
Purpose of friendship
Where the purpose of the friendship is what one person can get from the other rather than loving the friend for himself or herself, the friendship is easily threatened when circumstances change. The friendship may end when you have served your purpose or you are no longer useful to the other person.
You cannot rely on such a friend in times of need. This view is expressed by the English proverb, “A friend in need is a friend indeed.” Such friends are fair weather friends. They may be more dangerous than enemies as they provide a false sense of security. You may believe that you have a friend, whereas in reality you do not. You would be better off with an identified enemy from whom you expect nothing, than with a false friend who will let you down when you need him or her the most.
Power of influence
Due to the power of influence, when a friend is inherently bad or has a negative character, this can rub off on us. A bad friend can thus lead to our ruin, making that friend more dangerous than an enemy. The Bible warns us in First Corinthians chapter 15, verse 33 that, “Do not be fooled. Bad companions ruin good character.” The Mexican proverb, “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are,” also refers to this power of influence.
Jim Rohn, an American entrepreneur, for his part stated that, “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” This implies that in relationships, those who are closest to us influence our decisions and actions. Thus, if they have negative traits, these are bound to rub off on us as well, making them cause us more harm than good. The Chinese philosopher, Confucius, thus advised: “Never contract friendship with a man that is not better than thyself.”
Toxic friends
Where the friendship is toxic it leaves us mentally and emotionally drained. Toxic friends may be obsessive, possessive, emotionally abusive, selfish and increase our level of stress. They may also reduce our self-esteem and self-confidence. Such a friendship is unhealthy and only serves to make us unhappy. We are better off without such friends as they cause us more harm than good. As such, they may be more dangerous than enemies. Joey Adams, an American comedian and author, expressed this view in the question, “With friends like that who needs enemies?”
Benefits of having enemies
Keep us focused
Enemies keep us focused and keep us on our toes. Because we know that our enemies seek our downfall, we become very focused and avoid making careless mistakes to avoid falling into their trap. According to Robert Greene in “The 48 Laws of Power”, “Without enemies around us, we grow lazy. An enemy at our heels sharpens our wits, keeping us focused and alert.”
Source of motivation
Enemies serve as a source of motivation and ensure that we give off our best. We know that our enemies are lurking in the background, waiting for us to make one wrong move. Therefore, we consciously plug all loopholes and prepare adequately in the face of a challenge. We do not relax or take things for granted. This ensures that we provide quality results which brings out our true strength.
Efrat Cybulkiewicz expresses this view in the statement, “Always be grateful to those who have given you struggle, without them you would not know the capacity of your strength … those I consider my real friends.” Sidney Sheldon in “The Other Side of Midnight” expressed a similar view that, “To be successful you need friends and to be very successful you need enemies.”
A check on our egos
Enemies keep our egos in check. False friends may engage in flattery in a bid to please us and never tell us we are wrong. Enemies, on the other hand, are quick to criticise us and to point out our flaws. This ensures that we do not lose touch with reality. This also prevents us from becoming complacent and megalomaniacs, deluded about our own power or importance. Benjamin Franklin in “Poor Richard’s Almanac” thus advised, “Love your enemies, for they tell you your faults.”
Our teachers
Enemies may unwittingly serve as our teachers as we can learn a lot from them. Through their constant criticism of us, we can improve upon our shortcomings and become better as a result. According to the Spanish prose writer, Baltasar Gracian, “A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends.”
Conclusion
Since it is impossible to please everyone, we are bound to have enemies in life. The issue is therefore, how we regard our friends and our enemies. It is important to note that our friends or enemies may change their roles over time. Bob Marley, Jamaican singer and songwriter, expressed this view by saying that “Your worst enemy could be your best friend and your best friend your worst enemy.”
Friends or enemies? Can we really distinguish between the two?
The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene as shown below provides enlightenment on this topic, amongst others. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
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