Saying “no”
Do you have a difficult time saying “no” to others? Does saying “no” to others make you feel guilty? Are you afraid that people will not like you when you say “no” to them? Do you avoid saying “no” to others so that they will say that you are a nice person?
Saying “yes”
On the other hand, when you say “yes”, do you genuinely mean it? Or rather, do you just say “yes” to please others? In that case, are you not pleasing others and displeasing yourself? If you do this over a period of time, do you not lose your authenticity? As a result, are you not engaging in self-deception?
Benefits of saying “no”
It is important to set boundaries in our lives and to be able to say “no” to others where necessary. This could be with respect to taking on a project out of societal obligations, lending someone money, accompanying someone to a place, etc. Here are some benefits of saying “no” to others:
1. It prevents you from accepting obligations that you can’t fulfil
When you fail to say “no” and you accept such obligations and fail to deliver, people perceive you as someone who is unreliable and who cannot keep promises.
2. It saves you from burnout
Smith, Segal and Robinson in “Burnout Prevention and Treatment”, describe burnout as a state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.
According to them, burnout occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest and motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place. They further note that burnout has long-term effects on your body, even making you vulnerable to illnesses such as colds and flu.
Why should you endure all this when a simple “no” to a request will save the day?
How to say “no”
So how should we go about saying “no”? What strategies can we use when saying “no”?
1. Be polite and straightfoward
In saying “no”, it is imperative to be polite and straightforward. Giving a polite and straightforward declination is far better than hedging and making the other party believe that your answer will be positive when you know that it will be negative. When you avoid giving a direct answer, you build up false hopes. As such, the person will be even more disappointed when your eventual answer is “no.”
2. Give a brief explanation if necessary
Where necessary, it is helpful if you give a brief explanation as to why your answer is “no.” This helps to mitigate the damages caused by your refusal. In other words, it makes your refusal more acceptable so that you don’t come off as a self-centred person. These are some examples:
“I’m sorry that I can’t lend you that money as I am currently inundated with debt.”
“I’m afraid that I can’t help with the organisation of the school fundraising project as I am hard-pressed for time because of obligations at work.”
To conclude, learning how to say “no” where the situation requires such an answer makes us authentic. As such, people know where they stand with us. This, in turn, liberates us from endless pretences. We are free to fly like birds.
Who are you saying “no” to today?
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I like the title of the article, “the art of saying no”. Certainly in the course of normal interactions with our fellows, the word “no” has to be said in objection to a request. The term “art” suggests that “no” can be said to more than one effect. “No” can be said in a manner that can preserve a relationship. It can also be said in a manner to end a relationship. Can it also be said to mean “yes” ? Certainly a nice article.Thanks madam
I’m glad you enjoyed it 😊
Excellent article.
Thanks so much 🙏
Thanks for this excellent wisdom. The bottom line is being honest in every endeavour of life. Saying no repeatedly when in reality you may be in a position to help creates societal problems and creates impression that the person is “wicked and uncaring”
When genuinely you’re in a position to help, say ‘yes’ and not ‘no’.
Very inspiring write up. Keep writing, Heidi.
Yes, we should endeavour to help others whenever we genuinely can. Thanks for your comments 🙏
It is better to be honest than to give false hope and eventually say sorry.
On point!
Great piece!
Thank you Heidi.
Yes, there is no substitute for honesty.
You’re most welcome, William. 😄
My opinion is that you should say NO when you really can’t help it, but ALWAYS say YES if you can actually be there. Being honest and sincere is saying NO with a good reason. Some individuals will just say NO to see you in misery and distress. To make life enjoyable for both ourselves and others, as well as to have our peace of mind, we must occasionally make sacrifices. Amazing write up Madam! Thanks
True, it is good to be honest and sincere. And life is full of sacrifices.
You’re most welcome. 😊
Great write up, 👍
You know sometimes the story is not always as it seems. However, saying no to some people make makes it feel more like you’re capable but not willing to help. Well 😊 I think I should be grateful to you for helping me learn. “A no with a purpose”
Keep it up
Yes, indeed. Sometimes, people believe that you just don’t want to help.
You’re most welcome, and thanks for your comments 🙏
Thanks for sharing this idea. We will live in our moment.Anita
You’re most welcome, Anita. 😄
This is a great post. It sometimes has a tremendous effect on our mental health, as it allows us to value ourselves more. It also helps us prioritize ourselves, and can even lead us to new opportunities that wouldn’t have been achievable by saying yes. It also allows us to set boundaries.
Yes, that’s very true. It is indeed empowering to say “no”! Thanks for your comments 🙏 👍
I now know saying No is a human thing and no strings should be attached to it. Thanks for the enlightenment.
You are most welcome 👍
This is a great post! I love that we both posted about saying no!
Sadly, I did have to say no after saying yes to someone. He asked me to do a sleepover with him & quite frankly I was afraid to say no being alone with him as he seems like he can get annoyed easily. With that being said, it’s great you pointed out why politely saying no is always better than a yes that’s really a no. I don’t particularly care if he sees me as unreliable in this case as he was on the way to literally bombarding my routine. But in general not saying no when you mean no isn’t a good practice.
I also like what you said about saying no and being authentic. Sometimes you can’t fulfill someone’s wishes. Giving a brief reason is also helpful and good to remember.
Yes, I’m glad we both spoke about that!
I think it’s good that you were bold enough to say no to him. You went with your gut and that was a good decision. Had you said yes, you would have pleased him and displeased yourself. And you shouldn’t have to worry about what others think of you either.
W should generally strive for authenticity in all we do.
I’m glad that you enjoyed the post. 😄
Yes. And the reason why he needed to see me so often was likely because he was trying to lead up to me staying the night. I’m relieved I didn’t go through with it.
Lol I love that you posted about it on the same day!
And yes i believe I’m authentic in all I do.
Yes, I believe that he had ulterior motives. I’m glad that you stood your ground 👍
I think that you’re very authentic. I have been very motivated by your posts, and I have learnt a lot from them 👌🙏😄
Thank you. 🙂 Especially the way he acted after the fact. Perhaps he thought I was more naive than I am, but it’s okay. It’s now in the past. I will be going out of my way to avoid him for the next few weeks and by the next time I see him it’ll be in the past.
Aw thank you so much for reading my other posts, too! I enjoy your blog and writing, style. I need to stop by a lot more often.
Yes, please be stopping by from time to time 🙏
You are an inspiration to me. I wish you all the best! 😄
Such a true post!❤
It makes no sense to say yes to something when one really prefers not to. We all need to be honest and just set boundaries like you said.
True, we do need to set boundaries! We should also be true to ourselves.
I’m glad you like it. ☺️
Yes. You wrote a great post, but in truth all your posts are good and worthy of attention. You have great wisdom and insight.⚘
So do you, my dear. I enjoy all your posts, too! 😍👌