Anger
How do you keep your cool when others provoke you? Are you quick-tempered? In other words, are your feathers easily ruffled? And when angry, how do you react?
Manifestations of Anger
It is very tempting to give free rein to our emotions when others provoke us and to vent our anger by saying whatever comes to our minds without mincing our words. When angry, we do not take the feelings of others into consideration. In self-righteous anger, we destroy everything in our wake. This could be by verbal assault or worse still, by physical assault. People have maimed and even killed others when in a fit of anger. Others have said things that they have regretted for decades. In all cases, when we vehemently express anger, this causes more harm than good.
It is therefore necessary for us to strive to control our anger.
How to Control Anger
1. Think of the Consequences of Your Actions
When angry, it is necessary to pause to give a thought to the possible negative consequences of anything that we do out of anger. When we think of the damage that the hurtful things we say and do can cause to a relationship, we will be more measured and circumspect in our speech and actions.
Confucius, the Chinese philosopher, had this advice for us: “When anger rises, think of the consequences.”
In a similar vein, Benjamin Franklin, the American polymath, had this to say about the fact that nothing good comes out of anger: “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.”
We often experience regret for things that we have said out of anger. However, once we utter hurtful words, we can never take them back. We can only apologise, hoping that the apology will mitigate the damage caused.
For his part, the American short story writer, Ambrose Bierce, had this to say about speaking when angry: “Speak when you are angry and you’ll make the best speech you’ll ever regret.”
Thus, when we think of the possible negative consequences of our actions, we are less likely to act in anger.
2. Resolve to keep silent
Keeping silent when angry is ultimately better than overreacting. Keeping silent gives us a chance to cool down and to calm our raging emotions. Silence helps us to assess and reflect on the situation at hand. It helps us to determine whether we can resolve the conflict through direct communication or we should let it go. Silence therefore affords us the opportunity to choose our battles wisely.
A German proverb advocates the power of silence. It states: “The best answer to anger is silence.”
Similarly, the third United States President, Thomas Jefferson, had this to say about waiting to speak when angry:
“When angry, count to ten before you speak. If very angry, count to one hundred.”
As such, silence appears to be a very effective strategy to use when angry.
3. Leave the scene
Another way to control our anger is to leave the scene, if possible. Leaving the scene provides an opportunity for us to have a physical and emotional distance from the source of conflict. This is particularly helpful if we find it difficult to keep silent in the wake of provocation.
When we leave the scene, we can have some clarity of mind to ponder over issues and to decide on the best course of action to take. When we eventually calm down, we can return to the scene and try to resolve the conflict in a calm, rational manner.
What other strategies can you suggest for controlling anger? Kindly provide your comments by clicking on the chat icon beneath the heading.
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