How to Ultimately Achieve Tolerance

Perception and Tolerance

Individuals exhibit differences in behaviour. This is partly due to the different perceptions that we have. We may describe perception as how we interpret stimuli such as people, things or events.

Jason Gordon in “Perception in Individual Behaviour – Explained”, states that perception is subjective and that different people detect, process, organise and interpret external information or stimuli differently.

Our different perceptions inevitably lead to disgreements about who is right or wrong. This, in turn, affects our ability to tolerate and accommodate each other. Understanding the factors that influence perception, such as our values and the fact that we interpret stimuli differently, may be useful in our quest for tolerance.

Factors that influence perception

Our values, beliefs, wants, needs and fears influence how we perceive people, things or events. How we interpret stimuli also influences our perception. Our values refer to things that we think are important to us. When our values are in conflict with that of other people, this results in miscommunication and disagreements as to who is right or wrong.

Values: Our Concept of Rich versus Poor

Our concept of what makes one rich or poor depends on our values. When we value materialism, then we will define being rich as having many material possessions. On the other hand, when we value spirituality, then we will define being rich as having an abundance of spiritual things. These different values influence our perception and our behaviour, leading to miscommunication and disagreements.

When someone asked Bob Marley, the Jamaican musician and songwriter, if he was rich, he sought clarification as to what was meant by rich. The interviewer then asked him if he had a lot of material possessions such as a lot of money in the bank. Bob Marley then asked him whether possessions make you rich. Bob Marley went on to tell the interviewer that he did not have a lot of material possessions but that his riches were life forever.

The interviewer’s concept of what made one rich was obviously different from that of Bob Marley. He may very well have viewed Bob Marley as being poor because he did not have a lot of money in the bank. Bob Marley, for his part, valued spirituality over material possessions.

The rejection of materialism is referred to in the Bible. In Matthew chapter 6, verses 19 to 21, Jesus Christ advocates seeking riches in heaven as follows:

“Do not store up riches for yourselves here on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and robbers break in and steal. Instead, store up riches for yourselves in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and robbers cannot break in and steal. For your heart will always be where your riches are.”

We can also find this view of rejecting materialism in Luke chapter 12 verse 15 where Jesus Christ admonishes the crowd as follows:

“Take care and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.”

When we are aware of our different values which influence our perceptions and lead to different forms of behaviour we can then minimise miscommunication and disagreements. This will, in turn, result in us having tolerance for one another.

Values: Our Concept of Workaholism versus a Laid-back Attitude

Our concept of workaholism as against a laid-back attiude depends on our values. When we value being busy all the time, perceiving that as a sign of being hardworking, we may end up as workaholics. We, as a result, endanger our physical and emotional health in the process. A workaholic excessively worries about the future and over exerts himself or herself in seeking stability and security.

A laid-back person, on the other hand, is relaxed and easy-going. Such a person values respite and a stress-free life and may lack the requisite drive and commitment to succeed and excel. A laid-back person does not fret about the future by planning for it.

Is one value system necessarily better than the other? Who is right?

The story of the businessman and the fisherman, written by the German writer Heinrich Boll, demonstrates these different value systems. It also demonstrates the concepts of workaholism and a laid-back attitude.

A businessman, while walking by a beach, trying to relieve some of the stress of his busy work day, saw a fisherman. This fisherman had returned to the shore having caught some fish in his small boat. He was relaxing in the afternoon sun. The businessman asked the fisherman why he was relaxing instead of going to catch more fish. The fisherman replied that what he had caught was enough to feed his whole family.

The businessman thereafter asked him what he did for the rest of the day. The fisherman replied that he woke up early every day, went to sea to catch a few fish and returned home to play with his kids. He added that he subsequently took an afternoon nap with his wife and went out singing and dancing with his friends in the evening.

The businessman advised the fisherman to stay longer at sea, catch more fish, buy more boats and employ more people. The fisherman asked the businessman what his reward would be after that. The businessman replied that the fisherman could then set up his own company. He explained that the fisherman could have his own production plant for canned food and a distribution network, and be rich.

The fisherman again asked the businessman what his reward would be after that. The businessman, seething with rage, then shouted at the fisherman that he would then be so rich as to not have to work for a living again. He could then take life easy and wake up early, go to sea to catch a few fish and return home to play with his kids. He could thereafter take an afternoon nap with his wife and go out singing and dancing with his friends in the evening.

The fisherman, smiling, asked the businessman, “What do you think I am doing right now?”

In the above story, the businessman obviously viewed the fisherman as a laid-back person. He also viewed him as not planning for the future and not achieving his full potential.

Laziness is not a virtue. We should esteem personal drive. The Bible warns against laziness in Proverbs chapter 6 verses 6 to 11 as follows:

“Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! It has no commander, no overseer or ruler, yet it stores its provisions in summer and gathers its food at harvest. How long will you lie there, you sluggard? When will you get up from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest – and poverty will come on you like a thief, and scarcity like an armed man.”

These verses encourage us to work hard and to plan adequately for the future, eschewing laziness.

However, one should not slave away and overfocus on the future to the detriment of the present. The businessman in the story, for all his money and success, was stressed out and easily irritated. He appeared to be overburdened by the cares of life in a bid to achieve his full potential.

We can contrast his attitude with that of the fisherman. This fisherman was at ease and relaxed and fully enjoying the present, content with the little that he had.

We should not rush through life but we should rather pause and smell the roses. The Welsh poet, W. H. Davies, in his poem “Leisure”, warns that the hectic pace of modern life has a detrimental effect on the human spirit. Excerpts from his poem are as follows:

“What is this life, if full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.

No time to stand beneath the boughs

And stare as long as sheep and cows.

…………………………………………………………

A poor life this if, full of care,

We have no time to stand and stare.”

We can infer from the poem that a harried existence, burdened by the cares of life, rushing through life without taking a breather, is characterised as a poor life.

In determining which value system is right, we may note that workaholism is an extreme position. This is because it usually involves working to the detriment of our health and not taking time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life,

On the other hand, being too laid-back, having no personal drive and not developing one’s full potential is also another extreme position. When we are content with too little, this does not motivate us to excel in our endeavours. This may lead to mediocrity.

It would be ideal if we could find the middle ground between these two extreme value systems in order to have a balanced life.

When we acknowledge that different people have different values in relation to either being a workaholic or a laid-back person, this will enable us to better understand each other. This will, in turn, reduce the disagreements among us. As a result, we will have more tolerance for one another.

Our Interpretation of Stimuli

Our different interpretations of stimuli influence our perceptions. When we have a particular interpretation of stimuli, this may cause a fixed and uncompromising stand on issues. A poem by John Godfrey Saxe entitled “The Blind Men and the Elephant”, illustrates this. The story is about six blind men of Indostan who went to see an elephant.

The first man, who fell on the broad and sturdy side of the elephant, described the elephant as being like a wall. The second man, who felt the tusk of the elephant, described the elephant as being like a spear. The third man took the trunk of the elephant within his hands. He then described the elephant as being like a snake.

The fourth man, for his part, held the knee of the elephant. He described the elephant as being like a tree. The fifth man touched the ear of the elephant. He described the elephant as being like a fan. The sixth man groped the tail of the elephant. He described the elephant as being like a rope.

In this case, who is right? Although different parts of an elephant do resemble a wall, spear, snake, tree, fan and rope, each of these descriptions only refer to a part of the elephant. They do not reflect a true description of the elephant as a whole.

Thus, we may say that each blind man is partly right in his description of the elephant. On the other hand, as a whole, the totality of each person’s description of the elephant is wrong. The last stanza of the poem summarises this as follows:

“And so these men of Indostan

Disputed loud and long,

Each in his own opinion

Exceeding stiff and strong,

Though each was partly in the right,

And all were in the wrong!”

Thus, until we accept the fact that we interpret stimuli differently which influences our perceptions and our behaviour, we are bound to have needless disagreements over issues. When we accept this we will appreciate our different perceptions, reduce our disagreements and have tolerance for each other.

Conclusion

To conclude, we may state that when we are aware of our own perceptions and what causes those perceptions, we become more tolerant of others. We then realise that nothing is cast in stone. We therefore become more open-minded and we try to see things from the point of view of the other person.

We should therefore not focus on why we behave so differently and who is right. We should rather focus on how we can tolerate each other and live in peace and harmony.

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