How to Escape the Lure of Digital Narcissism

Narcissism and Digital Narcissism

Narcissism is an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself and one’s physical appearance. The term originated from Greek mythology. The beautiful Greek hunter, Narcissus, fell in love with his own image reflected in a pool of water. He thus became obsessed with his beauty. He was therefore unable to leave his own image until he withered away and died. The flower Narcissus grew where he lay.

Our society appears to be characterised by self-obsession and vanity. Lisa Firestone, PhD states in “Is Social Media to Blame for the Rise in Narcissism?” that we live in an increasingly narcissistic society. This is accentuated by digital narcissism. Jennifer Delgado describes digital narcissism in “I! I! I! The Era of Digital Narcissism”. She states that we express digital narcissim through a series of extreme actions such as taking a large number of selfies or sharing moments, which we could classify as too intimate of our lives, practically every day.

Is narcissism a problem that we should worry about? What are some of the reasons for digital narcissism? How can we manage our digital narcissism?

Should we worry about Narcissism?

In determining whether or not narcissism is a problem that we should worry about, it is worthy to note that according to some writers, narcissism lies on a continuum from healthy to pathological. Dr. Olivia Remes in “Why are we Becoming so Narcissistic? Here’s the Science”, distinguishes between healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism. She describes healthy narcissism as involving a healthy self-love and confidence based on real achievement, the ability to overcome setbacks and to derive the support needed from social ties.

She notes that narcissism becomes a problem and pathological where the individual becomes preoccupied with the self. In this case, the individual needs excessive admiration and approval from others. On the other hand, that individual shows disregard for other people’s sensibilities. She notes that where the narcissist does not receive the attention desired, substance abuse and major depressive disorders can develop. Thus, whether or not narcissism is a problem that merits worry depends on the degree of narcissism.

Reasons for Digital Narcissism

There are many reasons for digital narcissism in our daily lives. As a result of being obsessed with ourselves, we take selfies incessantly and post them on social media in a bid to get a number of “likes” to feed our ego. Some people even risk their lives in order to get a selfie to post on social media. In March, 2019, at a zoo in Arizona, a jaguar attacked a woman as she stepped over a barrier to take a selfie with the animal. This shows the lengths to which people will go as a result of self-obsession and vanity.

Another reason for digital narcissism is an unhealthy desire for others to see us as the best. People want to show their superiority in relation to their peers. They therefore post every new material acquisition or milestone in their lives on social media, be it a new house, car, career, business opportunity or academic or professional achievement.

The loss of touch with reality and the preference for virtual lives is also another reason for digital narcissism. We prefer living on social media to living in the moment. At a party, it is not uncommon to see people fixated on their smartphones and taking selfies and posting them on social media to indicate to their friends and followers that they are having a good time. They prefer to do this rather than to engage in actual conversation with the person sitting physically beside them.

Rather than communicating with the person who is physically present, we are more concerned with receiving a feedback from the person on social media, as to whether they “like” our recent posts. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic notes in “Sharing the (Self) Love: the Use of the Selfie and Digital Narcissism”, that we are now more connected than ever. On the other hand, he notes that we are also less interested in other people, except when it comes to finding out what they think about us. This attitude deprives us of a meaningful relationship with others. Jennifer Delgado, in her above-mentioned article, states that living to pose is not living. It rather means losing the most authentic experiences of life.

Management of our Digital Narcissism

So how can we manage our digital narcissism? We may manage this by taking a minute to examine our motives before we post on social media. We may also try to avoid inciting envy in others. Before we post the news of our new career on social media, let us ask ourselves what the purpose is.

Is the purpose to show our level of success and how much we have achieved in life? Are we trying to appear better than our peers and thereby belittle them in the process? Do we honestly believe that everyone is happy that we have a new career, how much more to have it described in glowing terms on social media? Have we given a thought to how our unemployed class mates will feel about this?

Could we also be posting on social media to cover up a deep-seated insecurity or feelings of inadequacy which result in an excessive need for attention and admiration from others? Jennifer Delgado in her above-mentioned article notes that digital narcissists only exist if seen and recognised. Is that a befitting description of us? Why else would we share every intimate and mundane detail of our lives on social media, such as pictures and videos of us going to work and what we eat for breakfast, lunch and supper? Is that really necessary?

In a bid to manage our digital narcissism we should also try to avoid inciting envy in others. When we post indiscriminately on social media, we stir up feelings of envy in others which may be quite unbearable and depressing for them. In “The Age of Envy: How to be Happy When Everyone Else’s Life Looks Perfect”, Moya Sarner refers to clinical psychologist Rachel Andrew who notes that people who cannot achieve the lifestyle they want but which they see others have exhibit a lot of envy.

Rachel Andrew notes that unlike the past when we might have just envied our neighbours, now, social media makes everyone available for comparison. This is because we can now compare ourselves with everyone across the world. Is it not subduing when we think of the number of people that we have caused to lose sleep out of envy over an achievement or acquisition of ours that we carelessly posted about? After examining our motives and trying not to incite envy in others, it is possible that there are some things that we may decide not to post information about at all on social media.

But is this to say that we should not share our joys and achievements with others? As a compromise, we may inform our family and friends of milestones in our lives by sending them messages as individuals. We can do this rather than post the information on social media at large which may be seen by mere acquaintances or even strangers.

Conclusion

Let us endeavour to manage our digital narcissism. Unlike Narcissus, we do not want to, out of self-obsession, wither away and be transformed into flowers. Or in our present case, should we say emojis?

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