How to Apply the Soothing Balm of Self-Deception

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WHAT IS SELF-DECEPTION?

Self-deception has been described by Alfred Mele in “Self-deception Unmasked” as a positive belief about the self that persists in spite of disconfirming evidence. He states that stock examples of self-deception, both in popular thought and in literature, feature people who falsely believe, in the face of strong evidence to the contrary, that their spouses are not having affairs, or that their children are not using illicit drugs, or that they themselves are not seriously ill.

Chance et al in “The Slow Decay and Quick Revival of Self-deception” note that such beliefs can be maintained by attending to desirable evidence and avoiding conflicting undesirable evidence whenever possible.

THE POSITIVE IMPACTS OF SELF-DECEPTION: A SOOTHING BALM

We may describe self-deception as a soothing balm in that it provides relief and makes us feel better. The following are the positive impacts of self-deception on individuals.

Improves our Subjective Well-being

According to Lopez and Fuxjager in “Self-deception’s Adaptive Value: Effects of Positive Thinking and the Winner Effect”, self-deception improves the subjective well-being of individuals. Whenever we think positively, instead of thinking of all the negative things that could go wrong, we feel better as a whole. This improves our well-being subjectively.

Increases Self-confidence

We also increase our self-confidence through self-deception. By believing that we possess certain positive attributes, such as being brave, reliable, kind and knowledgeable, we increase our self-confidence. This results in a veritable ego-boost as we may not necessarily possess these positive attributes in reality. Therefore, this places us in a better position psychologically to attend to the challenge at hand.

Serves as a Coping Mechanism

Self-deception also serves as a coping mechanism in the wake of unpleasant situations. If we can convince ourself that our spouse is not cheating despite seeing all the obvious signs that our spouse is doing so, we develop a coping mechanism. This is a survival tactic or a means of self-preservation.

By choosing not to see what is unpleasant, we deliberately avoid pain. As an African saying goes, “What the eye does not see is not dirty.” Applying the balm of self-deception, we can deliberately refuse to accept the truth about unpleasant situations. As such, we bury our head in the sand like the proverbial ostrich.

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THE DRAWBACKS OF SELF-DECEPTION

Despite being a soothing balm, self-deception has its drawbacks. As such, we should be careful when applying the balm of self-deception. The following are the drawbacks of self-deception:

Impedes Long-term Development

According to Liu et al in “The Effect of Negative Feedback on Positive Beliefs in Self-Deception”, the negative impact of self-deception on individuals makes it impossible for individuals to clearly recognise themselves. This makes self-deception not conducive to long-term development. They note that, by not being true to ourselves, we fail to examine and address our shortcomings. We thereby deprive ourselves of the opportunity to develop our full potential.

Results in a Detachment from Reality

Self-deception also results in a detachment from reality. This can lead to eccentric and erratic behaviour. A classic example is the novel “Don Quixote” by Miguel de Cervantes. The novel is set in La Mancha, Spain. In the novel, a country gentleman’s love of chivalry makes him decide to be a knight-errant with the name, Don Quixote de la Mancha.

Don Quixote is depicted in the novel as overly idealistic and disconnected from reality. He views the real world through the lens of his imagination. His delusions of grandeur make him the butt of many practical jokes. This sometimes results in the beating of both him and his squire, a peasant known as Sancho Panza.

In the novel, Don Quixote declares his old donkey to be a noble horse and selects a peasant girl as his lady. He also perceives an inn to be a castle and mistakes a field of windmills for giants and attempts to fight them. He thereafter attacks a group of monks thinking that they have imprisoned a princess. He goes on to battle with a herd of sheep. The adjective, “quixotic” is thus derived from Don Quixote’s eccentric behaviour. It means “extremely idealistic, unrealistic and impractical”.

Being detached from reality also causes us to live in a fool’s paradise. This is an illusory state of happiness or a state of enjoyment based on false beliefs or hopes. Living in a fool’s paradise can be dangerous. This is because it does not adequately prepare us for the challenges of the future. As stated by Fyodor Dostoyevsky in “The Idiot”, “It is better to be unhappy and know the worst than to be happy in a fool’s paradise.”

Promotes Unethical Behaviour

Chance et al, in the article earlier stated, note that self-deception promotes unethical behaviour, cheating and the bankruptcy of enterprises and governments. It may be stated that when we are not true to ourselves, we engage in unethical behaviour without any qualms. We thereby cause damage to society as a whole.

An example of self-deception promoting unethical behaviour is found in the Netflix series, “Inventing Anna”. This series covers the true life story of Anna Sorokin also known as Anna Delvey. She is a con artist and fraudster who posed as a wealthy German heiress. She did this in order to gain access to the upper echelons of the New York social and art scenes from 2013 to 2017. The series dramatises how Anna, trapped in her self-delusion as a rich German heiress entitled to a luxurious lifestyle, manipulates her appearances and alters her behaviour to fit the wealthy elite class.

To fund her luxurious lifestyle and be part of the wealthy elite, Anna defrauds several people, banks and financial institutions of approximately 275,000.00 United States Dollars. In May 2021, the court sentences her to four to twelve years in prison. The court later releases her on parole in February 2024. This shows how self-deception, if left unchecked, can lead to our ruin.

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THE WAY FORWARD

As soothing a balm as self-deception may be, it does not address the root cause of our problems. It only provides a temporary relief. It is better to practise self-awareness and to face our challenges and problems squarely. We may describe self-awareness as our ability to perceive and understand the things that make us who we are as individuals. This includes our personalities, actions, values, beliefs, emotions and thoughts.

When we practise self-awareness, we do not engage in self-deception by pretending that all is well when it is not. We acknowledge the existence of the problem facing us and search for solutions. As the saying goes, when you know that you have a problem, then there is the hope of finding a solution to the problem. However, when you do not know that you have a problem, then you are doomed. This is because it will not even occur to you to find a solution to a problem that you do not know exists.

Socrates emphasised the importance of self-awareness and examining our lives as noted in his statement, “The unexamined life is not worth living.”

Thus, in applying the soothing balm of self-deception to improve our subjective well-being, to increase our confidence and as a coping mechanism, we should bear in mind its drawbacks.

We should not appy the balm of self-deception so liberally so as to result in the impediment of our long-term development, our detachment from reality and the promotion of unethical behaviour. On the contrary, we should apply just the bare minimum. This will enable us to be confident and optimistic, making us rise to the occasion.

We should rather strive to practise self-awareness. When we practise self-awareness, we will lead authentic lives. This will result in our long-term development.

As Polonius admonished his son, Laertes, in William Shakespeare’s play, “Hamlet”, “To thy own self be true!”

In the quest for self-awareness, kindly check out The Art of Self-Awareness: How to Dig Deep, Introspect, Discover Your Blind Spots, and Truly Know Thyself (The Psychology of Social Dynamics) by Patrick King as shown below. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

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