Saying “no”
Do you have a difficult time saying “no” to others? Does saying “no” to others make you feel guilty? Are you afraid that people will not like you when you say “no” to them? Do you avoid saying “no” to others so that they will say that you are a nice person?
Saying “yes”
On the other hand, when you say “yes”, do you genuinely mean it? Or rather, do you just say “yes” to please others? In that case, are you not pleasing others and displeasing yourself? If you do this over a period of time, do you not lose your authenticity? As a result, are you not engaging in self-deception?
Benefits of saying “no”
It is important to set boundaries in our lives and to be able to say “no” to others where necessary. This could be with respect to taking on a project out of societal obligations, lending someone money, accompanying someone to a place, etc. Here are some benefits of saying “no” to others:
1. It prevents you from accepting obligations that you can’t fulfil
When you fail to say “no” and you accept such obligations and fail to deliver, people perceive you as someone who is unreliable and who cannot keep promises.
2. It saves you from burnout
Smith, Segal and Robinson in “Burnout Prevention and Treatment”, describe burnout as a state of emotional, physical and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.
According to them, burnout occurs when you feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained and unable to meet constant demands. As the stress continues, you begin to lose the interest and motivation that led you to take on a certain role in the first place. They further note that burnout has long-term effects on your body, even making you vulnerable to illnesses such as colds and flu.
Why should you endure all this when a simple “no” to a request will save the day?
How to say “no”
So how should we go about saying “no”? What strategies can we use when saying “no”?
1. Be polite and straightfoward
In saying “no”, it is imperative to be polite and straightforward. Giving a polite and straightforward declination is far better than hedging and making the other party believe that your answer will be positive when you know that it will be negative. When you avoid giving a direct answer, you build up false hopes. As such, the person will be even more disappointed when your eventual answer is “no.”
2. Give a brief explanation if necessary
Where necessary, it is helpful if you give a brief explanation as to why your answer is “no.” This helps to mitigate the damages caused by your refusal. In other words, it makes your refusal more acceptable so that you don’t come off as a self-centred person. These are some examples:
“I’m sorry that I can’t lend you that money as I am currently inundated with debt.”
“I’m afraid that I can’t help with the organisation of the school fundraising project as I am hard-pressed for time because of obligations at work.”
To conclude, learning how to say “no” where the situation requires such an answer makes us authentic. As such, people know where they stand with us. This, in turn, liberates us from endless pretences. We are free to fly like birds.
Who are you saying “no” to today?
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